Chemo days

He who has a “why” to live can bear with almost any “how.”

 Nietzsche


2 days before I was due to begin chemo I met with my breast cancer specialist care nurse. I was interested to see that the girl in front of me was the other under 60 from the previous weeks clinic. It looked like we had both drawn the short straw. In true conveyor belt fashion I would see her regularly, one step in front of me for the various checks and tests prior to the dreaded day of chemo. I was half expecting to see her at the hairdressers with my friend cutting her hair off before it was my turn.

I was told all of the things to expect on this 6, 3 weekly cycle drug regimen. Interestingly and only slightly amusingly named FEC, it was very aptly named it transpired. This particular regimen is a combination of three different chemos Fluorouracil, Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide. It is used on breast cancer patients and is known to be a hash treatment, unfortunately I learned this to be the case the hard way. The common side effects I was told were, fatigue, skin irritation, definite hair loss, mouth sores/ulcers, nausea, constipation and a strange taste in the mouth. These didn't necessarily effect everyone and could be short lived I was told. There were other side effects too lengthy to mention but all listed on various cancer websites. It was daunting to reconcile that in a few days I would willingly allow this poison to be put into my veins, but so it was to be. My GP once said to me that our children would look at chemotherapy one day in amazement that it was inflicted in the name of medicine. I certainly hope that's the case. In the meantime I'll keep taking it. Anyway my breast cancer specialist nurse talked me through the various precautions to take, such as using a child's toothbrush as my mouth would be delicate, using baby shampoo (to wash the bald scalp I may add), avoiding the sun, eating bland foods, and other tips. It was all a bit overwhelming and in a sense unreal. What couldn't be advised was how to deal with it psychologically. That was down to me. I didn't have a clue!

I didn't really sleep in the couple of days prior to the first session and was slightly dazed on the morning of it. It was odd to leave the house feeling perfectly healthy and not having any idea of how I would feel on return. I'm sure I felt like the vast majority of people feel going into round one...ding ding.
The nurse at the clinic was very helpful and offered some advise on what to do once the chemo had been administered. It was important to drink copious quantities of water in order to flush out my system as it can cause UTI's. A strong memory I have of those days is standing in my kitchen drinking glass after glass of water until my urine went from bright pink back to normal and only then would I go to bed. The whole process between pre meds, which include anti sickness drugs and steroids, and the chemo drugs themselves took a couple of hours. The sensation of the chemo going through my veins was strange and pretty unpleasant. This would get worse as treatments went on. For me one of the worst things about this regimen was the damage that it did to my veins, damage that is lasting, unfortunately. Once it was over I was sent home. We stood in the kitchen and I drank and drank and drank (water, not wine, although I would try the latter later). I went to bed afterwards and waited for the side effects to take over. Who knows whether or not my mind was working overtime or if I had just been so tense, but my legs were in bloody agony. This was not a side effect I had been told about. The Beatson weren't too much help when we called, to be honest I think stress was the most obvious culprit. I drifted in and out of sleep and did feel nauseous I also had bizarre kind of trippy dreams. In short I felt WEIRD. Sleep that night proved difficult as I had strange cramps in my legs and more trippy dreams. I woke up the next day feeling just as shit and had a thumping headache, horrible taste in my mouth, nausea and general tiredness. The good news is that this only lasted, em most of the 3 weeks before I was due back for round 2! This was one fucker of a chemo.